GRIEF

Recently at the Kim Girls Barber Shop in North Beach, (San Francisco) to a person, the patrons sincerely lamented the National Tragedy of the school shooting. We all were grieving about the kids. Unspeakable.

How can parents handle grief. They can't. All they can do is get through it. And all, will handle their grief in different ways. And, the national media attention is a "given" for which I have mixed emotions. For some, it is OK, they will talk about their kids. The President speaks. But, maybe for some, the attention will be intrusive? If it were me, I could not stand the barrage of questions, the trying to make sense of the happenings. Some reporter, doing their job but still intrusive, asking, probing. I want to go off by myself, scream, curse and be left alone until I am ready which may be never. I can only relate the feeling to losing my best friend in Vietnam. I had gone on R&R (rest and relaxation. It was a seven day leave). When I left on the chow helicopter from the field to the Fire Support Base, then to the rear area and on to Hawaii, the last person I saw was Rollie who screamed an obscenity at me. It is what your best friend does and "bring me back a bottle of Jim Beam." I gave him the finger--it was what you did to your best friend. I had a great R&R. The helicopter landed me back at the Fire Support Base. Where the f..k was the reception. I laughed. Rollie, my best bud was going to meet me and we were going to drink the bottle of Jim Beam that I brought. "Sorry, Captain, Rollie was killed." I was not sure I was hearing it. I cannot relate at this point in my life, my exact emotions but they were so intense that to this day, I tear up. That day I wanted to scream, to be left alone, to suffer in silence. I did not want anybody trying to comfort me. I could not be comforted.

And, I would have to think that in this great tragedy, there are some with those emotions I felt long ago in Vietnam: Leave Me Alone! God bless them in their grief and God bless all of us in ours.