Recently a family member told me that the president called her cousin's Mom after her son was killed in Afghanistan-- one of the five soldiers, killed along with the young female diplomat. I thought to myself that it could hardly make up for the tragedy. Even with my cynicism (so think that our decisions about Iraq and Afghanistan have been so stupid) it was a nice gesture, the least the Commander could do--"sorry for your loss." There is no sugar coating it. Young Delfin Santos, Jr. cannot be brought back. In this case, the loss is compounded as he is the only son, Dad dead. The scene is sad, more than sad anyway you cut it. And, the military process doesn't help in my estimation.
Grief, sadly, has its own personality, more than I could ever innumerate: "shock at the news, questions like when is the body arriving?" To the military's detriment and sometimes credit, they often give out too much information as they don't really know some details but want to be helpful. And, when young Santos actually does arrive, it is a new round of grief. There ought to be a better way. Or, maybe this is merely one way. Maybe it is better to grieve to the point that one is numb with it. There really is no formula. A buddy of mine told me that when his brother was killed in Vietnam, his mom went into the house and did not come out for seven years.
And, now we have the tragedy of the Boston Marathon bombing. The grief is almost palpable. God bless us all.
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