SAYING I'M SORRY

As I've listened and read the various pundits and followed my news junkie addiction, I can't tell you the number of times I've read about someone saying I'm sorry. Mel Gibson, Michael Richardson, various others. What is this? Well, what can you do when you've messed up but say, I'm sorry. It is, in a sense, the human condition: screwing up. As far as apologies go, if someone messes up, better they say they're sorry than not--their screw-ups don't vanish with the "I'm sorry" but still , they've done what they can. Let's give them the benefit of the doubt.

A MALE CHAUVANIST THING

Recently in a Newsweek column by Anne Quinlen, I thought she put a little different spin on it. Not totally to my liking because let's face it, us male types somehow are a little or a lot turned off as writers refer to the gender, etc., in most everything. In her case, she had the audacity to say there's a type of masculinity, machismo American style that has to do with saying I'm sorry. I smiled as she is more right than wrong. It is probably in the same part of our midget brain as asking for directions.

PUBLIC "I'm Sorry"

The apologies I'd like to hear are the pols, however. Just once I'd like to hear a politician say, I screwed up. The closest I've heard lately came from Gordon Smith, who at the Senate’s lame-duck session, suddenly rose to give one of the most passionate and surprising speeches about the war in Iraq. For a Republican who had originally voted for the war, the "I'm sorry" words spoken by the Senator, were pretty dramatic. I was wrong and I'm sorry.

I AM NOT GOING TO ADMIT I MESSED UP

People in public life or private for that matter rarely say I'm sorry. Most aren't. Do you think the Office Depot guy who just resigned and will get millions in his golden parachute is in the least sorry that he is hurting the company. I don't think so. You better believe Presidents or countries don't apologize. I did read recently that some newspapers apologized for century's ago discriminating and other foibles. Better late than never, I guess.

Husbands probably say we're sorry more than most any of the species. Quinlan in her article dissects apologies and intimates that politicians are reluctant maybe because from then on out, they would be subjected to pundits, newspaper columnists and radio and TV screamers--bloggers. Even Smith was excoriated for being 4 years late or wanting to pass the buck to the President.

WHY NOT APOLOGIZE

If someone wants to question one's motives, there are plenty of venues to do it. What Quinlen seems to be implying is that pollutions and presidents don't apologize for political reasons, not that they might not believe they are wrong. Since we can't know their private thoughts, then we simply don't know why they are reluctant. We have history. I still feel badly that Bill didn't apologize to Monica.

I like what Samantha Power said in her book, A problem From Hell: America and The Age of Genocide (what a title?) "Whether regarding the Vietnam war, America's cold war assassinations, or our misguided former alliance with Saddam Hussein, American officials kept their eyes fixed on the future. They rarely admit responsibility for failure, for costly meddling or for large scale human suffering. They resist debate--internally or publicly--on how good intentions went astray. And they most certainly don't apologize to those harmed." And, who can forget Robert McNamara's words, I was wrong, terribly wrong. Thanks if a tad too late.

APOLOGIZING IS NOT A DREADED DISEASE

Quindlen quotes author, Deborah Tannen, who says an apology has four parts: (1)admitting fault, (2)showing remorse, (3)acknowledging damage and (4)indicating how it will be repaired. I'm wondering if Ms. Tannen shouldn't apologize for borrowing this concept from Alcoholics Anonymous.

I think saying "I'm sorry" is good for you and most of the time when you screw up, it will help the situation if you just say, I f..... up. When I was in the Army and the commander would summon me for what I knew to be an ass chewing, before he could administer it, I would say, "sir, I f..... up." More than likely it would take the wind out of his sails--he would say, go and sin no more.

We've screwed up in Iraq. I'm not sure establishing blame is going to help us much. But, maybe there is some machismo thing that says until we admit our screw-up, we are stymied in our efforts. However, based on our recent election, we now have a new congress elected mostly on the basis of admitting our screw ups in Iraq. Why can't we say this: We screwed up, we admit it and here is my plan for moving out. We're sorry but there's nothing else we can do. Out of here.